Can We Control Love To Make It Last Forever?
What a delicious and exquisite feeling it is to know that you have found someone to share your life with forever! It is the one thing that every single human being in the world – and plenty of animals as well – by instinct longs for.

However, for most psychologists and love experts, this monogamous conception of a lifelong unconditional true love is just a Chimera which might very often lead couples to suffer a great deal of frustration. They state the romantic passionate idyll is perishable. It probably mutates into other kinds of love over time, but chemistry-wise, a human body would not be able to bear the fervent excitement and the constant emotional peaks of happiness and suffering caused by the high levels of hormones released during the infatuation phase for more than half a year! We would die of exhaustion! However, of course one might love a single person for a lifetime, but most surely not in the romantic, passionate and exciting way we have all been instilled to believe.

Monogamy has been traditionally imposed by most cultures with the intention of establishing a ‘safe and harmonious order’ to avoid conflicts between ex-lovers, not to split the inherited assets too much between different families and also to keep the transmission of venereal diseases under control. However, it hasn’t always necessarily met the real biological human needs. There have been love affairs since the dawn of time. Therefore, it is no wonder that statistics show only 30% of current couples are truly happy with their partners. However, only two thirds of this unhappy 70% would end up getting divorced. The rest would stay together; some being unloyal and some others just unhappy!

Humans are in fact originally conceived to live within a tribe, which provides everything each individual might need: support, wisdom, understanding, love, entertainment, happiness, excitement, advice, company, sustenance, protection and stability. However, in our modern societies, we tend to get isolated and intend to live happily ever-after with just one partner, but we might get frustrated because we expect to get all these things from just one person, which is too much to ask for. Some authors state that having several partners is mentally healthier and much more enriching.

It is paradoxical that humans, having the most active mind in the animal kingdom, are earmarked for one single lifetime partner, while most animals, not having such an intellectually restless mind, pair up with different individuals during their lives. In fact humans are not biologically designed for invariability and monotony, neither for monogamy – only 5% of the living species in the world are and it doesn’t include primates, but surprisingly neither for polygamy.
Humans have been described as ‘consecutive monogamous’ which means that we are designed to have several steady partners, one after another. The problem with monogamy is that it involves keeping one of the most powerful forces of nature under control, which is quite complicated.
However, it is far from my intention to sound too alarmist or to stand up for promiscuity or infidelity; quite the contrary! I still believe the steady family composed by two spouses (married or not, with or without children) sharing everything and working together, is the most wonderful and solid unit a society might have in both economical and emotional terms.

I only want you, my readers, to get well aware of this particular aspect of human nature in order not to be taken by surprise, so NEVER take it for granted that your partner will stay forever by your side. Fight tooth and nail for them if you really love them. Work constantly on your relationship and take the potential competitors as the best motivating factor to improve it. Only in this way you might achieve happiness forever with just one single partner.

Pilar Abenza
Escuela Oficial de Idiomas de Molina de Segura